Titties and Beer

I’m a huge fan of wasting time and acting like a total jerk, so I figured that title was fitting since this entire post will document parts of my life.

I recently had a horrible incident with my laptop (not to be confused with a horrible indecency with my laptop, much to my spell checks chagrin) wherein the entire thing was destroyed. I was sitting there minding my own business when a friend of mine felt the need to pour a full glass of Kibao Vodka on it, accidentally of course. That’s probably a simplification of what happened but if you’ve ever lost a year of pictures and data you’ll understand.

Luckily baby mama is feeling pretty good lately and sent me her old netbook so I can use my teeny tiny fingers to type on the teeny tiny keyboard and do things like check my Facebook, Twitter, Muicbook and rant about stuff. Her exact words were:

“It’s good for checking e-mail and surfing the web, and for boys who feel the need to hydrate their computers.”

I figure that’s probably the least she could do based on the fact that my balls had produced the child. Had he sent me a scalpel, some hydrogen peroxide and a camera with a note that said “take care of that eyebrow piercing monstrosity and send me the pics” I would have been just as grateful, but this is more useful to me.

One thing I’ve noticed about this computer is that the backspace button is fixed if you don’t hit it twice. This might actually be better for me since I tend to type things like “I fucked your sister in the asshole with an mwiko.” When what I really meant to say was “I fucked your sister.” So the out of control backspacer takes care of all the useless words I didn’t really need. Turns out he may be more in tune with my needs than I ever imagined.

18 TILL I DIE (STOP DREAMING)

Am amazed at how many women lie about their age. One thing they don't realize is that the more one lies about unnecessary things, the more they stand to lose once the truth comes out.

This kind of deceit also erodes the confidence and trust your man had for you regardless of whether you already have three babies down the line. The big question every man will ask himself is what else you lied about so far. What I'd like to tell our ladies is this; not letting a man know your age or whether you have a baby until he commits to you puts a man in a fix and in case he decides to stay and continue wit the relationship, it will not be because he loves you more, but because he has spent more time wit you and he is not willing to go back to the dating game. Let the man know the basics about you so that he can make an informed decision at the beginning to avoid unnecessary tears.

Lying about your age and status will only give you short-term solutions in that you will hook up wit the man. Unfortunately, in the long-term, what you will encounter is turmoil and the man's love will wane even if he decides to stay in the relationship.

To my Kenyan sisters, jobless or not (pun intended), please know that it's not the age that matters but you, THE PERSON! Out there are men who prefer older women or women with children so stop doing yourself this injustice.

Anyway, don't let the quote 'MEN LIE, WOMEN LIE' be your motto